In order to portray the viewpoint of an "opposing" character, this journal entry depicts Mayella Ewell's side during the trial. I sought to get inside the mind of a character who willingly lies to put an innocent man on trial and watches him be convicted. The purpose of the exercise was to imagine how anyone could fail to have empathy for Tom Robinson, especially Mayella as she knows the actual truth. The result was a piece in which Mayella imagined that her decisions and capacity for empathy were limited by the fear of her father. I found it really interesting and helpful to challenge myself to imagine the internal forces that might have lead someone to knowingly allow an innocent man to be sent to trial and convicted.
The Diary of Mayella Violet Ewell
August 27, 1935
Yesserday wus Tom Robinson’s trial. It was mighty long an’ I was real nervous.
My paw got called up to the stand an’ Misser Finch was askin’em questions about the incident. I watched an’ listened silently; I felt hopeless. My bruises were achin’ an’ makin’ me feel even worse inside.
Misser Finch seemed to think he could prove my paw’s guilt by makin’ him write his name. He noticed that Paw’s left handed, an’ I got scared. I was ‘fraid someone wood find out the truth an’ I was also desperate for my own justus. But everyone new that no matter what Misser Finch said, Tom wood be blamed. I felt a lil’ guilty ‘cause there are bad consequences for rape, ‘specially for niggers, an’ I also new what actually happened—not the lie Paw told everyone to convince’em that Tom was at fault, but the real true story. I no lyin’ ain’t good, but I had to keep my secret hidden ‘cause I was scared of what my paw might do if I didn’t.
Judge Taylor called me up to the stand after Paw. When I got up from my seat and started walkin’ to the front, my paw gave me a glance that seemed like a warning. I new if I messed this up I wood end up dead jus’ like Momma. Misser Gilbert asked me all sorts’a questions ‘bout the incident. I answered the questions the way Paw told me to. Then Misser Finch stood up to ask me some questions an’ that’s when I got real scared. I cudn’t let’em get the truth outta me, I cudn’t let’em no what happened. I started cryin’ hopin’ I cud convince Judge Taylor not to let Misser Finch question me, but it was no use. Misser Finch started questionin’ me ‘bout my life and my paw. I got angry. I cud feel my paw glarin’ at me an’ his words started gettin’ in my head an’ makin’ me madder. Whore, weak, useless, ugly…his words kept echoin’ in my head. I yelled at Misser Finch that that nigger yonder took advantage of me. I told’em that if them fancy gentlemen didn’t wanta do nothin’ ‘bout it then they’re all yellow stinkin’ cowards, all of’em. All their ma’amin’ an’ Miss Mayellerin’ didn’t come to nothin’. I left the stand sobbin’ angrily.
Tom’s turn was next. As he told his story from his side it jus’ made me feel worse. Truth was that my paw was the real guilty one. He found out ‘bout me an’ Tom when he was drunk an’ decided that beatin’ me wasn’t enough of a punishment. Bein’ raped by that horrible man wasn’t new to me, he’s done it to me a lot before. But there’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout it. No escapin’, ‘specially when my brothers need me.
I wanted to blurt out the truth in that courtroom, but I was too scared ’a what Paw might do if I turned ’em in. Tellin’ the truth wood only make thinks worse. I’m jus’ a weak girl so I jus’ sat there and hoped for the best.
'Till next time,
Mayella
Yesserday wus Tom Robinson’s trial. It was mighty long an’ I was real nervous.
My paw got called up to the stand an’ Misser Finch was askin’em questions about the incident. I watched an’ listened silently; I felt hopeless. My bruises were achin’ an’ makin’ me feel even worse inside.
Misser Finch seemed to think he could prove my paw’s guilt by makin’ him write his name. He noticed that Paw’s left handed, an’ I got scared. I was ‘fraid someone wood find out the truth an’ I was also desperate for my own justus. But everyone new that no matter what Misser Finch said, Tom wood be blamed. I felt a lil’ guilty ‘cause there are bad consequences for rape, ‘specially for niggers, an’ I also new what actually happened—not the lie Paw told everyone to convince’em that Tom was at fault, but the real true story. I no lyin’ ain’t good, but I had to keep my secret hidden ‘cause I was scared of what my paw might do if I didn’t.
Judge Taylor called me up to the stand after Paw. When I got up from my seat and started walkin’ to the front, my paw gave me a glance that seemed like a warning. I new if I messed this up I wood end up dead jus’ like Momma. Misser Gilbert asked me all sorts’a questions ‘bout the incident. I answered the questions the way Paw told me to. Then Misser Finch stood up to ask me some questions an’ that’s when I got real scared. I cudn’t let’em get the truth outta me, I cudn’t let’em no what happened. I started cryin’ hopin’ I cud convince Judge Taylor not to let Misser Finch question me, but it was no use. Misser Finch started questionin’ me ‘bout my life and my paw. I got angry. I cud feel my paw glarin’ at me an’ his words started gettin’ in my head an’ makin’ me madder. Whore, weak, useless, ugly…his words kept echoin’ in my head. I yelled at Misser Finch that that nigger yonder took advantage of me. I told’em that if them fancy gentlemen didn’t wanta do nothin’ ‘bout it then they’re all yellow stinkin’ cowards, all of’em. All their ma’amin’ an’ Miss Mayellerin’ didn’t come to nothin’. I left the stand sobbin’ angrily.
Tom’s turn was next. As he told his story from his side it jus’ made me feel worse. Truth was that my paw was the real guilty one. He found out ‘bout me an’ Tom when he was drunk an’ decided that beatin’ me wasn’t enough of a punishment. Bein’ raped by that horrible man wasn’t new to me, he’s done it to me a lot before. But there’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout it. No escapin’, ‘specially when my brothers need me.
I wanted to blurt out the truth in that courtroom, but I was too scared ’a what Paw might do if I turned ’em in. Tellin’ the truth wood only make thinks worse. I’m jus’ a weak girl so I jus’ sat there and hoped for the best.
'Till next time,
Mayella